Your Child Will Be Less Independent Than You

WHY BECOME INDEPENDENT ANYWAY?

6 years ago (2017), CBS published an article titled, “Why today’s teens are growing up more slowly than they use to”. 

This article included evidence along with witnesses that spend the majority of their time with teenagers, that concluded children today are less independent as ever before.

As a professional that spends most of his time with individuals from 2 years of age all the way to adults, I get a first hand look at kids’ independence status.

Before I dive into the 1 reason for the lack of independence of children today, let’s know why independence is so important.

There are actually plenty of reasons why independence is important for an individual.

From developing self-esteem, self-reliance, self-awareness, freedom of experience, self-motivation, and the list goes on. 

WHO’S FAULT IS IT?

If you’re learning to play chess for the first time, is it your fault if you lose?

Of course not!

Why? 

Because you have zero clue how to do what’s required out of you.

So, if you guessed that it’s the parent’s fault, you guessed correctly.

The coach will always have the responsibility to teach their players how to play the game.

No different for parents and caregivers.

WHAT YOUR DOING WRONG

Countless times I’ve witnessed a parent offer help before the child even attempts to do what’s required out of them.

For example when the parent is talking with another adult and the child interrupts, the parent would immediately tell them what they should’ve done to interrupt the conversation i.e. “excuse me”, EVEN if the child has been told countless times to excuse themselves.

Now ask yourself, WHY doesn’t the child INDEPENDENTLY interrupt conversations even though they have been told countless times?

PROMPT DEPENDENCY

Prompt dependency is where the child relies on being told what to do or for the task to be done for them. It is when the child knows what to do, but depends on the prompt to be given to them.

It’s the same reason why a child would look at their untied shoe and continue to play on the playground until the teacher tells them to tie their shoe.

We all are prompt dependent in some way or another whether you being a kid, adolescent, or adult.

But, the difference of prompt dependency between an independent individual and the dependent individual is this…

The area(s) of prompt dependency with the independent individual are low in significance.

I’m prompt dependent when it comes to folding my clothes or taking the trash out. Actions that wouldn’t interfere with my ability to live on my own.

Dependent individuals simply cannot function on their own because they require assistance on actions that require them to live on their own.

Like being on time to school, managing their money, staying calm when things don’t go their way, etc.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

1. Identify if your child can do what’s required out of them.

Back to the chess example, if you can’t play chess then I shouldn’t EXPECT you to be independent.

However; if you can play chess, I do expect you to be independent.

2. If your child can do what’s required out of them, GIVE THEM TIME.

Don’t be so quick to jump in there to help.

Give your kid TIME to get it right. Whether it’s 10 seconds or even 1 minute.

I literally waited around 2 minutes and 30 seconds for a client to INDEPENDENTLY get my attention via. “excuse me”.

Back to the child interrupting the parent during conversation, you should continue to talk to the person.

That’s right, talk right over your kid.

Why?

Because you have told your kid countless times to politely interrupt (i.e., “excuse me”)

So it’s your job to let your kid FIGURE IT OUT without being told AGAIN of what to do.

Sooner or later, you WILL hear the magic words.

“Excuse me”

BOOM!

Now you should stop talking to the person and give your attention to your kid who has now INDEPENDENTLY politely interrupted your conversation.

Now, I know I’m using the most meaningful action from a kid but you can basically apply this tip to literally any behavior of your child.

As long as your child has the ability to do what’s required of them and you’ve seen them do it before.

Review

1. Identify if your child can do what’s required
2. If they can, GIVE THEM TIME to figure it out. It’s your job to lead them to being more independent.

“If you’re not setting yourself up for success; then by default, your setting yourself up for failure”

Use isolation as an investment tool – “Energy is similar to money”

I have 2 degrees, but confidence is 1 thing I wish I learned in highschool

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